Poirot would look over the scene, taking in all the information available. The staff, or keyworkers as is the modern parlance, would be interviewed individually. Every detail noted in his mind, every question and answer considered. He would consider every last drop of evidence, looking it over and disregarding the happy red herrings. Every strand examined and placed as neatly as the hairs that make his moustache. He would then sit back in a chair, close his eyes, and the little grey cells would go to work. He would be weighing up the pros and cons, looking at every angle, every detail. Taking in all the information that he has, then he would open his eyes and know. It would all make sense, the gordian knot of evidence unravelled. Gathering the three hundred and sixty-five suspects, he would make them wait as he lay out the evidence. He would be toying with them, making them suffer. The guilty squirm and the innocent wonder if the great Poirot will make a mistake and accuse them. Finally, it would end, a catalogue of mistruths, outright lies, misdirections and hypocrisy. He would look them over and declare.

“You are all guilty. You have all been completely and utterly shite. If you were a screw, then you’d be a flat-headed one in a world of Phillips screwdrivers. If you were a toilet, then you would be a urinal when someone needed a dump. You are a senokot when someone has the shits, a catheter without the bag. In short, you are all fucking useless, you have fucked the country for generations, and your choices, the ones you made and the ones you did not, lead to the deaths of hundreds of thousands. You have kicked the UK so hard in the arse that if it used anal beads, they’d be coming out of its mouth”.

Hastings would then enter from the side, supported by the finest that the MET has to offer. He’d look at Poirot and say “Golly good old chum”. Arrest the fucking lot of them, throw them into prison, and the country’s wrongs will once again be made right. Poirot would retire back to his home and grow marrows in peace, knowing that the Tories criminality had been put back in its box. Hopefully never to return, but also knowing that it will probably only last a decade.

That is fiction, though, and we can all play with fantasy to get an outcome that we desire. Reality is a different matter. I have sworn to myself that I will not interfere, I shall watch, laugh, and comment, but I will not directly interfere.

There was a little room for freedom in the early days of this pandemic, some wiggle wrong. My opinion on things could have been wrong, well could have been if I were human. Then we got to the second wave, and you see the same mistakes happening time and time again. I could list them all, from late lockdowns to keeping the borders open, but I am sure you know them yourselves. We have passed the learning stage, we have walked through the fields of cronyism. We are now arriving in the “this is not the time” stage.

If you cannot learn as you go, make mistakes but then rectify them and do not repeat them, then when is the time? A cross-party, or ‘independent’ group looking at what was done, why it was done and what went wrong. This is not something that should be left until it is too late. This is something that could help now, yet here we are. Now is not the time.

Afterwards, we all know what will happen. We have seen this movie before, we have all read the book. Months, years will drag on, the people involved at the highest levels will be back-benchers, lords or out of politics. The messages, the complaints that many of us have had will be deemed to have been valid. The mistakes will be noted, the cronyism commented upon and then it will all be wrapped in a nice file and “lessons will be learned”.

They will not be learned though, these were not mistakes that were made. We know the Cygnus report highlighted many of the initial problems surrounding PPE, yet were any lessons learned? Nope, they were ignored. Will cronyism end? The dishing out of billions to mates, not a chance in heaven. The same people, the same companies, the same policies time and again, are involved. They walk away time and again without severe punishment. Accountability is practically zero, safe seats has lead to political apathy. In many seats, they will choose when to leave politics. They won’t be voted out, they are safe to do what they please. Name your coloured rosette on a donkey. They pick when they walk, not the electorate. Accountability is either near-zero or below it, when was the last time someone was sacked for doing something wrong? Heck, the useless walking dildo with hair pulled the whip from twenty MPs for opposing Brexit. Desmond Swayne talks to a group that includes anti-vaxers, tells them to keep doing what they are doing and that the pandemic and crisis is being over-exaggerated. The great lumbering stagnant seminal walking flopsicle does nothing.

Do you know the worse? Do you want to hear the thing that really fucking rattles my chains? Hundreds of thousands dead. Late lockdowns, enriching friends, borders open. The public polling is showing an increase for the Tories.

By Satan

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