Good day to you, kind soul! It is I, the Devil! Old Beelzebub. Do not turn away just yet, for I have changed. I have a story to tell. You have been gaslighted for years; I am not what you believe. You have been misled.

You have been told over the years that I am evil. I am the evil lurking in the darkness, ready to prey on the weak and exploit the unfaithful. I won’t lie; I don’t lie. I have done bad things in the past. I am no angel, well I am, but they don’t like me anymore! Ha, this is their loss. You had better believe me; it is their loss! I am rather remarkable. You can ask anyone who knows me. They all say until their dying day that I am perfection personified. What do you have to lose if you listen to me?

Yes, I have been evil, that is true, but I am now rehabilitated. I am a new man, an angel born again into this world of strangeness. Didn’t you all do stupid shit in your youth? Hell is still there, all circles bristling away with souls. Think about it: I did not create Hell; I am the curator of the universe’s biggest prison. Do you blame the prison warden for the deeds the incarcerated have committed? Yet you find it acceptable to blame me. You blame me for doing a job I was given!

He gave you the gift of free will, and you can do what you please. Yet you continuously accuse me. I am not the cause of your problems; that is on you, on all of you. Humanity, you have the power to change. You have the power to be better. I implore you; be better. That is not why I am here, though; I don’t blame you for it. They have conditioned you to blame me for all the ills of the world. It is not your fault. I forgive you.

I want to talk about Hell. You have heard it is a horrible place, and if you deserve to end there, it is. It is Hell! Ha! However, I am now giving you the chance to visit. Yes, Hell is opening to the public! Come one, come all. Visit Hell! Bring your granny, bring your grandad, bring your lover, and visit lust. Bring someone else’s lover! Come visit the circle of violence and kick Hitler in the happy sack. String Stalin up by his scrotum. Want to eat from the best Hell offers? Come and see Gluttony! Want to live a life of luxury? Greed is for you, my friends.

This is Westworld made real, without the technological failings and jiggery-pokery. If you have a fantasy, we can fulfil it. Come and be waited upon by a demon, kill a group of sinful souls with a machine gun. Why? Because you can! We can give you whatever you crave. Whatever, wink wink, you covet. Let us fulfil those dastardly strange wants you have dreamt about.

Here we are; I have levelled with you humans. When you are on the coaster that travels between circles, or maybe you’ll choose to take the cable car, remember this: I am flawed, and I make mistakes. I am like you. We are all imperfect; we are all broken. You should not judge until you have met me; don’t believe the propaganda. Who has made money from the stories about me? I have not; I am a poor and frugal devil.

Think of how the media distorts things to fit an agenda. Now imagine you have had centuries of that propaganda, literally centuries. Think of the way they have warped your perceptions from the second you could understand. They have screwed me. They have lied to you.

I have not lied to you. You can trust me; I’m the Devil.